I WHACKED MY DOG TODAY

A belligerent lady from NGO X has pressed charges against a school teacher for spanking (literally no more than a pussycat spank) a hefty twelve-year old. Apparently the well-padded 7th grader ambushed a fellow classmate for stealing his cheese straws. When the spindly school teacher (hereafter referred to as Mr. Spindles), the only adult witness to what could well be pegged as an attempt to murder, could do nothing further, in his limited capacity, to wrench the nearly skeletal prey (god knows he was in dire need of cheese straws) from under the baby elephant, he gave his rear end a spank. And lo and behold, the mountain moved! And the lanky thing came out alive.

But much to Mr. Spindles’ misfortune the Obese-mo howled for Mama and Mama in turn moaned to the NGO when the school waived the event as a trifle.

A spank. A single spank. Holy mother of God! Will somebody tell the belligerent lady from NGO X that she’s causing a log jam? That this business of backlogs that we happen to be on the payroll of could do better without her pseudo-zeal to ensure a fat kid gets his cheese straws.

Let us suppose she’s upholding child rights. That every kid has the right to be protected against neglect, maltreatment and corporal punishment. What about the skeletal victim that nearly died from this predator pouncing on him?! In that case, what Mr. Spindles did was an act of protection as well. He should be extolled for saving a life.

I whacked my dog today. He charged at a hobbling stray in the park for sniffing his red ball. In fact, I whacked him twice. (Once, for being vicious. And then, for tormenting a peer momentarily weaker than him.) He’s been sulking ever since. Didn’t eat his breakfast.

Mama Elephant claims the spank’s scarred her chubby thing for life. That he’s lost his appetite, as a result. Aww, poor baby!

I’ll go play some ball with my mutt this evening. That’ll make him hungry. And ensure he’s not neglected. May be the doting mother can do the same with her baby. With a revived appetite, a few more cheese straws should heal the traumatizing memory of the spank.

Until the verdict,

This is Solomon Naidu.
Reporting from Courtroom No. 5
Of The Bombay High Court.

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