There’s a fairly definitive combination of feelings one feels at every juncture in their story. These feelings matter enough only to be marked for their utter similarity, doggedness and constancy. They’re just there, all the time, whether you like or not, whether you summoned them or not and then of course, whether or not you choose to pay heed to them.
While there is an expletive so versatile, it fills in for every known mood, feeling, expression and condition – fortuitously beginning with the very same letter – we have to use the ones, defined and designed for different purposes, in place of it. Also for want of specificity and appropriateness.
That ‘F’atigue, ‘F’rustration and ‘F’ulfillment can be felt, all at once, is a realization you come upon in very random moments.
Usually, in bed, when you can’t fall asleep.
Again, in bed, when you can’t pull yourself out.
When you’re stuffing your face and swallowing at top speed, because there isn’t time enough to chew.
When you’re eating so slow, chewing is an effort, an exercise, an annoying drill.
When you’re so exhausted, you can’t sleep.
When you’re so exhausted, you can only, possibly and simply sleep.
So we’re talking paradoxes here.
The condition of being ‘F’ried with your life and goals and potential and flaws and incompetence and of course, the ‘F’olly of the world, at large.
And yet, persevering, because there’s too much feeling involved. You’re too involved with what you do. It’s going to push you forward, cause a stir, ultimately, push the world forward.
And even when everyday, feels like a merciless Monday, a terrible Tuesday, a whimsical Wednesday, a trying Thursday, a freaky Friday, a sorry Saturday and a shocking Sunday,
You choose the feeling of the ‘F’ word. Because, in a strangely, self-destructive and constructive, exasperating but restorative way, the journey fills you up, like nothing else ever will.
It’s a ‘F’enomenal ‘F’ight this.
If you let the beauty and terror, all happen, in bed and out of it, with a full or empty belly, for all the times sleep comes or doesn’t,
Because no ‘F’eeling is ‘F’inal.
And it’s just as ‘F’leeting as it is here to stay.
So long as you are. So long as you will.
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